I Am Not This Guy

Okay, this is a little embarrassing, but I've been doing a little research to find someone in the same situation as I am, and I started watching this show called Greatest American Hero. If you've seen it, you might understand why this embarrasses me. If you haven't seen it, you may not have had to lobotomize yourself with a chain saw half way through an episode.

Let me give you the short version. It's the early 80s, and an idealistic young teacher is trying to change the lives of some troubled inner city youth (who are so lame, they make The Goonies look like The Sopranos), while fighting his supermodel ex-wife for custody of their son and falling in love with his divorce lawyer for some reason. Still with me? Then, aliens come down and give him a magic suit, which gives him super powers, and make him team up with a bitter old FBI agent to solve crimes, fight terrorists and... whatever else, I don't know. The teacher guy loses the suit's instructions, which for some reason aren't in the box with the suit, so he has to figure out the powers for himself. And that is why I thought I might get something out of watching the show.

Oh, one more thing, everyone on the show is a complete moron. People see him in the super suit, and immediately want to arrest him, send him to a mental institution and pump him full of narcotics for the rest of his life. Have they seriously never heard of cosplay, or friggin' halloween? Then there's the episode where he turns invisible, and they pull his partner over and almost arrest him, a federal agent, for talking to himself in his own car. That's insane.

I can't deal with that, and I'm not going anywhere near the Flying Nun. I don't care if it gives me all the powers in the world. Nobody's invulnerable to lousy television.

The one thing I got that might possibly have been useful was when he first tries to fly, and this totally random kid walks up and says, "You have to take three steps first," and it works. Why would that kid know that? It doesn't make any sense, and guess what, it's also complete crap. It doesn't matter how many steps I take, as long as I'm awake, I can't get off the ground.