Regression Therapy

I was hungry this afternoon, and I started wandering around the city, looking for someplace to eat, because I couldn't figure out what I was hungry for, I just felt malnourished. I started taking random streets in random directions, and I came to a park. I sat in the grass, got bored with that, went to the playground and slid on slides, and then I went to the swings, and all of a sudden, it brought back this really familiar feeling.

I swung for maybe an hour and a half. I probably shouldn't do that on an empty stomach, but it was weird. I hadn't done that since I was probably thirteen. I always loved the swings, I seem to remember. There's that moment, right when you're at the top of the swing, right before you come down... It's strange because that's just what floating felt like in the dream, like constantly falling, but never... It's hard to put in to words. Like constantly falling, but never actually going down. Does that make sense? I don't have a whole lot of other stuff to do, so I've been thinking about this a lot, but it's not that clear in my mind.

That's right. I remember, I was always afraid. The other kids would swing very high and jump off, but I was always nervous about that. I'd botch the dismount and get all twisted in some way. Today I did, and sure enough, I think I hurt my pinky. It stings. And when I jumped off and turned around, it was spinning, twisting, so clearly I did that wrong in some way. I guess it was fun, but I don't think I'm gonna go back.

Oh, and it turned out the food I'd been craving was chocolate. It's always chocolate, so I don't know why I ever doubted.

The Ultimate Recliner

I watched the tape again. Nothing. I guess it was all in my head somehow. I have to believe that, or I'm gonna drive myself nuts.

I have my new system set up now, with a wireless keyboard and a big screen, so I can write from anywhere in my room. I'm on the bed right now. I got a desk, but it's way over there, and the chair isn't that comfortable. Now I don't have to leave bed at all. I can blog or watch youtube or whatever.

By the way, I think the title of this post would make a kick ass superhero name. His power would be to relax all the time.

Failure

It didn't work. Nothing happened last night. Just finished watching the tape in fast forward. I think it's creepy to watch yourself sleep. Maybe it didn't happen. Maybe I am crazy. Or it could have just been a one time thing. Strange things happen all the time, according to that movie with the rain of frogs. I'm not convinced of anything. I'll tape myself again tonight. If I knew one way or the other for sure, that would be something, but having this feeling of not knowing, that's frustrating, because you don't have anything to hold on to. Hell, it could have been a dream, I guess. I've been having flying dreams almost every night since I got here.

In this house, all alone, I'm always feeling off balance. The things I could count on in my old life aren't here. My waking life is different, so it could make sense that my dreams are getting confused with it. I never lived here, but I visited, so I have a few memories in this place. No, I just don't have anything to count on, that's the problem.

Lights, Camera, Zebra

Ladies and gentlemen, that was Ice Station Zebra. I don't feel any more or less sane for having watched it. It's not a bad movie to be obsessed with, if the Big Lebowski hasn't been made yet, but I thought it would have more to do with planes. Although, the DVD did have an add for the Aviator on it, so somebody else had the same idea.

I set up the camera facing my bed. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. It didn't occur to me to get a night vision Paris Hilton thing for it, so I'm gonna have to sleep with the lights on. I do that sometimes if I'm already in bed, and the light switch is on the other side of the room. I don't know what I hope will happen. I just wanna know.

Crazy Delicious

I feel much better today. The stuff I ordered is finally starting to arrive. Two day shipping my ass, but it's okay. My new recliner plus my new TV equals crazy delicious. I had an idea about that weird thing that happened yesterday. I'm gonna buy a video camera that can record all night, set it up by my bed, and I'm gonna make sure. I need an objective viewpoint. I have to find out what's going on.

What the Hell?

I honestly think I'm going crazy. That's a strange way to start out, but I've had a very strange day. First of all, I don't sleepwalk. I never have, so when I found myself on the other side of the room the other day, I didn't understand it. Today, I had a very different experience. I woke up a couple hours ago, and I swear to god, I was floating. I don't get it. I can't figure it out. I don't know what's going on. I just know I was in the middle of the room, a few feet in the air, and I fell as soon as I woke up. I'm just now starting to calm down and come up with some reason for this. Do I need to get my head examined? Should I check myself in to some place? I'm not on anything. I didn't take anything last night, but I swear I was in the air. What do I do?

Zero Zebra

Why does everything take so long to get here? It's a good thing the house was still furnished, cause if I had to wait for them to deliver me a bed, I'd never sleep, and I'd never have that flying dream. Those bastards at netflix messed up the processing on my account. Now I'm gonna have to wait another day for that movie. Best case, it won't get here until wednesday. By then, who knows if I'll even want to watch it. I like the "watch now" thing on their website, but my computer won't do it. Lame.

Gotta Look at the Blueprints

I had a thought today. I could live my life like Howard Hughes at the end, when he sat around all day in one room and had people bring him chocolate chip cookies. I'd have like some pasta or something, to break up the monotony every once in a while. He quit shaving and cutting his hair, too. I'm so there, but I couldn't handle the not cutting my fingernails thing. Maybe I could get a robot butler to bring me cookies. Isn't there a website that delivers groceries, or did that go out of business? I don't know if there are enough rich lazy idiots like me to get things delivered to make it a successful business. Anyway, I read on wikipedia that Hughes watched this movie called Ice Station Zebra like a thousand times, so I put it on top of my netflix queue.

Wandering

Okay, I was wandering around the city today. I fell asleep on the train and ended up going way further than I was planning. It just felt like I could ride back and forth all night and it wouldn't matter. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. Why am I here? Maybe that's too big a question. I was going to order some things online, but they can't deliver them on sundays, so I'll do it some other time.

My Parent's House. Day 1.

Well, I unpacked my stuff, and I'm officially bored. I moved in to my parents house, which I guess is now my house, so I should probably write: My house, day one. I am bored. I'm writing this because I can't think of anything to do. I don't know anyone in town, and I can't think of anything else, so I figured I'd start a blog. Oh, my parents died. I should probably mention that. They left me their house. I don't know why. They were always really disappointed in me, so it seems kind of surprising. I guess it was a write-off or something. It's a nice place, got all these rooms in it, bathrooms, a few bedrooms, and a dining room over there somewhere, so that's cool, if you like that kind of thing. I don't know what the extra bedrooms were for, but when you have as much money as they had, I guess you need extra bedrooms. Maybe it had something to do with their charity work. They didn't leave my all their money, by the way. That would have been nice, but most of it they gave away to other stuff, but they left me like a million dollars, so hopefully that'll keep me going for a while. I had to quit my job to come out here. Basically kind of said goodbye to all my friends. I mean, I could call them, but it's like "what are you guys doing? Hanging out?" so I don't know why I would do that. I had a dream on the plane last night. I was flying. You know, the plane was flying, but I was flying in my dream, too. I realized I could totally jet set, just show up at the airport and be like, "get me on that plane there," then take a cab to a random hotel. I always hear people talk about how they'd travel if they had money. I have money, so I guess I should travel. Maybe I'll fly around the world. I wonder if there's any good pizza place around here. I gotta find one, if I'm gonna live here. There's gotta be a dominoes, right? Every postal, what's it called? Every zip code has a dominoes. Yeah, that's what I'll do.