Walk Upon the Edge of No Escape and Laugh

My stuff is still in boxes. I've been too depressed to move in all the way. Once again, I've wiped the past clean and I'm standing at the crossroads.

One way, I live my life the way it's been, trying to get out of everything that comes along and taking anything I can get away with. The other way, I start saying yes to things and see what happens. I tried this once before, and it worked out pretty well for a while. All this great stuff came my way because of other things I'd let in. Then it kind of trailed off.

Let me give you an example. I had this job (this was all back when I worked. It was my parent's idea). Instead of hiding out in the back all the time, doing whatever it was we did back there, I agreed to do some of the slightly-more-responsibility stuff. After a little while, they promoted me, and I made more money with slightly less effort. Don't let anyone tell you it's not work to avoid doing work, because it takes just as much dedication. The point is, all that slightly-more-responsibility stuff was actually kind of a challenge, and I was getting a little respect and some authority for the first time, so I quit. My inner nature won out, and I never learned whatever my parents were trying to teach me.

That's the real question here, whether I could change even if I wanted to. Maybe I was just born this way, and I'll never really care, but sometimes I feel like I want to. I have fantasies of being an actual super hero, taking the challenge. Then I remember who I am.