Damsel In Distress

A strange thing happened to me this afternoon. I was waking down the street, and some car was stuck at the intersection, uselessly revving away. I could smell the engine trouble half way down the block. I went closer to find a cute brunette behind the wheel, confused as hell, so naturally, I intervened. "Put it in neutral, and I'll push," I said, yet every time I got behind the bumper, she started revving the engine again. "It's not my car," she said in a vaguely Brittish accent. She was clearly from out of town.

Three cycles of the stop light later, I was as befuddled as she, so I flagged down another pedestrian, some big muscle-bound guy. "Help me push the car," I said, and he took control of the situation. He told the girl what neutral was, and we got her to the side of the road. "What do you do," he asked her through the car window. "I'm a philosopher," the brunette replied. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel of the situation.

"Are you gonna be okay?" I ventured through the passenger side window. She nodded. The burly guy kept chatting her up. I walked away, confounded by my failure. Finally, a chance to be a hero, and I handed it away. To the victor go the spoils. Super lame.